My Hidden Face
by bellerophon
Summary: Matt contemplates life in Team Extreme this year.


TITLE: My Hidden Face(1/1)

AUTHOR: Bellerophon

EMAIL: bellerophon_666@hotmail.com

RATING: PG (a little language)

CATEGORY: WWE

DISCLAIMER: I don't own these characters. In fact, I don't own much so I'm really not worth the effort. The song is In Orbit and is by Jebediah.

DISTRIBUTION: On fanfiction.net. if you want it just let me know.

SUMMARY: Matt Hardy thinks about his career, his brother and his girlfriend.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is set after the Hardys came back this year. No reference to wrestling really but it's before Lita was injured.

****

MY HIDDEN FACE

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//You don't wanna know

The truth will only hurt you\\

Jeff's giving me a dirty look. Every time I say something slightly derogatory to Lita now, he gives me this warning look, like he's telling me to shut up. Christ, all I said was she could land her Hurricanrana better. And she's getting this wounded puppy face like I slapped her or told her she's a worthless whore. Which I didn't.

I might want to, but I didn't.

God, I hate having to play this part. Big brother on shaky ground with his team. Team...now that's a joke. I certainly don't feel like a part of this team. Jeff and Lita go off together and I live in solitary. I don't mind that but I'm tired of pretending.

I'm tired of pretending we're a happy family. I'm tired of pretending to bend to Jeff's warnings. I'm sick of pretending Jeff's in control.

And I really hate pretending to be in love with Lita again. 

I don't know, maybe Jeff and Lita aren't pretending. Maybe they think I want us to work together again. Maybe Lita thinks I really love her. I shouldn't think that's funny. 

Am I a bad person if I do?

__

//And I don't wanna go

Back down that road I hate to\\

What I don't want to do is have another feud with Jeff and Lita. That was a mistake on my part. It turned me into a heel which was the last thing I want. I want my career to go in a different direction than that.

I figured that the best way to get back on track would be to reunite Team Extreme then break up later on down the line. In a congenial way, of course. In order to do that, I had to get Jeff and Lita to forgive me.

Enter the master plan.

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//I've been trying so long

To deal with what I've done\\

It was a lot trickier to get back into Jeff and Lita's good graces than it was to get out of them. After getting the crap kicked out of me by the Undertaker, I didn't try to contact my team mates. I let them come to me. I pretended I still couldn't speak without hurting my throat and I let Jeff and Lita do all the talking.

Pfff, I let them talk themselves into reconciling Team Extreme. I don't think they even wanted us to get together again but my silence just seemed to force their words.

Jeff was saying crap like how we were brothers and we could work past our problems blah blah blah. I tried to put on a regretful face and act like I agreed. After awhile, he condescended to say we could be a team again. Gee, thanks Jeff. You're a giver.

Then he left the room to give me and Lita privacy. She didn't speak for a while, just looked at me. I studied her. I don't know if it was what I did, but she's not the same. I just can't bring myself to care about her any more. 

She used to inspire this protective streak in me. The whole Malenko episode was just the beginning. She used to have this effect on me, so I couldn't go a whole day without thinking about her. Now I don't even think about Lita when I'm kissing her.

Anyways, she finally began talking about how she didn't know if we could work past our issues but she was willing to forgive me and start again. I had a *really* hard time keeping the incredulous look off my face.

In all honesty, I expected her to give me the 'we can be friends' spiel. I could hardly believe she wanted us to get back together. Is Lita a glutton for punishment or what?

Maybe that's why I don't want her any more. How can I respect someone who comes crawling back to me after what I did? The old Lita would've slapped me and kicked me in the nuts before even thinking of trusting me again.

But the old Lita's gone.

__

//You say you want a song?

Well here you go have this one\\

I guess they just heard or believed what they wanted to believe. They think they know me and who I am. They think they can trust me.

What neither of them know is that while I did go after Taker pretty hard, I didn't really put in the effort I could've. I wanted to lose. All part of the master plan.

Didn't think it, did you? Hell, I have schemes coming out my ears. I've plotted with people you wouldn't dream of to get me where I am. I've scratched, clawed, fought, hell, fucked my way to the top. Never told little bro, though. I'd hate to disillusion him about his big brother. 

He thinks it's my incredible work ethic. Which it is, in a twisted kind of way.

__

//I'm a boy with an endless lie

View the world through my bad black eyes

But if its alright, its alright\\

You'd think Jeff would see through me. After all, we're brothers, right? Close as hell and all that shit. Well, apparently not. You'd think he'd see the sparks in my eyes when he jokes about how he's better than me.

That fucking match at Vengeance. It drives me crazy. I see it over and over again in my mind. Lita counting the three even with my foot on the ropes. I replay it in my head and it niggles and pinches me. And I know, I damn well know, that if she had called that match fair I would've won. 

I would've kicked Jeff's ass. 

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//Don't mean to be mean

Okay go on say it\\

I apologise to Jeff, grovel and crawl to him. I still need him. I want my career to go places and in this business someone has to have your back. And Jeff has the sort of loyalty I need. I know he won't turn on me. Even after what I did, he wouldn't do it to anyone.

I force the lip service out of my mouth.

He only hears what he wants to hear anyway. I just put the words in his mouth. After all, Jeff doesn't want to believe his hero is a horrible, selfish asshole. He might've thought it last year, but now? 

Oh no, I've repented. I'm truly sorry about acting the way I did. I was wrong. I was stupid. I don't know what I was thinking. Jeff's told me I feel that way about a million times.

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//Exactly what I've been

You're right and don't I know it\\

But it's hard to respect either Jeff or Lita like I used too. If I told Lita she could've landed better before our big blowout, she would've told me to fuck off or asked me if I could do it better. Then she'd try harder in the next match. That was how we worked.

Now, though. She practically cries if I say a thing to her. She's not the same. She's not the Lita I fell in love with. 

But she is the Lita I fell out of love with. Which means I don't give a flying fuck if I hurt her on my way to the top. I don't care if she cries. But I would like a photo of that if she does. Something for the album.

__

//It's immaturity

And I can't wash clean my conscience\\

Sometimes, I think it's wrong to use my brother and, using the term loosely, girlfriend this way. But then I think about all the times I've had the crap kicked out of me for just being Jeff's brother. Or Lita's boyfriend. I think of all the matches I've been screwed out of. I think of the amount of time I could've been trying for single's titles when I was wasting my time on tagging with Jeff.

Then I think fuck 'em both. I'm in this for me now.

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//The truth is killing me

Could it make any difference?\\

I'm tired of worrying about Jeff and whether he's going to knock himself silly doing another stupid crazy move. All my life I've been told that I have to be the responsible one. I have to look after Jeff. He's the baby of the family. He can't possibly be responsible for himself, oh no. After all, he's deep and meaningful. He writes poetry. He writes songs. He's in touch with his fucking feminine side.

That's the role he's been given and he loves it. He plays it well. And that's fine by me now. It'll be to my advantage.

Because I play my role even better than him.

__

//I'm a boy with an endless lie

View the world through my bad black eyes

But if its alright, its alright\\

I'm the smart Hardy. I'm the one that thinks things through. I'm level-headed. I'm accountable. I'm dependable.

And I'm also clever, scheming, ruthless, emotionless and cold-hearted. Oh, and let's not forget selfish. I'll do what's best for me. And this time I'll do things the right way.

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//I'm a boy with an endless lie (but its alright)\\

I'll let Jeff think I'm on his side. I'll let Lita think I love her. Hey, don't call me the bad guy in this. They assumed I felt that way. I just didn't tell them otherwise.

I'll disentangle myself from the tagging slowly. I'll get into singles where I want to be. But I'll still be friends with Jeff.

I'll be a good guy. Then maybe I'll make it look like Jeff and Lita were having an affair behind my back. Or maybe that Lita was doing someone I'll be feuding with. Something that'll make Lita be the bitch.

And Matt Hardy will be the victim who rises from heart break and betrayal to achieve fantastic things.

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//I'm a boy with an endless lie (if it's alright)\\

You might think it's horribly wrong of me to treat my brother and Lita this way. How could I use them this way, right? I must be a icey son of a bitch to be able to do it. I don't care about anyone except myself, right? 

Damn fucking straight.

I'm living a life of lies. If these lies get me to where I want to be, then it's worth the price. I'll do what I need to. I'll do who I need to. I'll use who I need to.

If you can't deal with that, well, fuck you too.

__

//I'm a boy with an endless lie (but its alright)\\

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